My dearest daughter,
You sat on the other side of the table, eating your favorite beef and potatoes. I was eating hand-pulled beef noodles. We were in Corner 17, a Chinese restaurant, close to your college and lab. I had not seen you for a while. We only see each other three times a year since you went to college. Now, you were so close to me, by me, and tomorrow, we were going to your new destination, your medical school.
During the night three days ago, your dad was sleeping, and our dog Ollie was cuddling me. It was so quiet and peaceful. I was lying in bed thinking of you and your new journey to medical school with a full scholarship. Tears started pouring from my eyes, running to my cheeks, then to my neck. Your achievements make me so proud, and it is hard to describe in words! It is our family’s new accomplishments as Chinese immigrants!
You worked tirelessly over the past few years. While in high school, when you were very tired, you held your knees and slept on the chair or the carpet by your desk. I tried to persuade you to go to bed so you could sleep comfortably. You said, “I cannot afford that. If I fall deep asleep, I will not have enough time to study.” During your college school days, you worked as a scribe two days every week from 3pm to 11pm and still maintained straight A’s. The efforts you put in during the medical school application were unimaginable.
Tears kept bursting when my memories flew back to 23 years ago, the day when I gave birth to you. Unexpectedly, you and I walked into a nightmare. If anything had gone wrong, your brain and your intelligence could have been damaged, and we would not be in the position to talk about your medical school and your new journey now.
You were nine days late from the due date, so the hospital had to induce you from my womb.
“Let’s do it during the weekend so I have two extra days to take care of you!” Your dad said.
It was an extremely sweet and considerate plan, but we did not realize the hospital was short of hands during weekends.
My water broke on Saturday midnight. They were supposed to give me oxytocin through IV, but the lazy nurse gave me strong sleeping pills instead. My amniotic fluid kept running and running.
We had only been in America for a year. We did not really know much about the American medical system. We did not even know that we could request for a doctor to see me.
On Sunday, the next day, it was finally time for delivery. There was a lady in the next ward delivering twins. Unfortunately, there was only one nurse on the shift. The poor nurse kept running back and forth between the two wards.
“Stop pushing! Stop!” She shouted at me. Then she ran to the other ward. I was forced to hold, but the pressure was so explosive because you wanted to come out. Eventually, the other lady delivered the twins, so the nurse told me to push. Once I pushed, your heartbeats reduced to half. The reason was that my amniotic fluid was almost gone by then, so there was not enough lubricant for you. You were squeezed through the birth channel.
I was very sleepy during the delivery from the sleeping pills. I did not even know we were both in danger. Luckily, the OB/GYN doctor showed up and vacuumed you out. Your head was long and sharp on the top from the vacuum. Your face was red with abrasions. We both had a fever, meaning we both got infection during the labor.
I heard you cry. The nurse held you in front of me, “Mom, do you want to hold your new baby?” I held you to my chest. You were so adorable!
Dad looked at you and exclaimed proudly, “Look at her, she has all ten fingers. Each tiny finger has a nail!”
Then, he looked at you more carefully and said, “Look at her eyebrows’ shape, so beautiful!” You did have long and intact eyebrows. I was amazed!
Later, the doctor insisted on telling me bad news even though your dad pleaded with him not to since in China there was a tradition of not telling patients their real negative diagnosis to avoid their mental stress. “I am afraid she would be too worried to produce milk!”
“You have leukemia,” the doctor said directly to me despite your dad’s plea.
My English was so poor, and I did not catch what the doctor said, but I smiled anyway. I looked so foolish. I became pregnant with you three months after arriving in America. I had to change my original plan and prepare for you to come to this world. I stayed at home, so my English did not improve at all. Luckily, it was a false alarm—I didn’t have leukemia.
Now I looked at you—you were so beautiful, elegant, and smart. You are the best daughter I could ever ask for! If your brain had been short of oxygen, I do not know how our American dream could have started. After staying for five days at the hospital, we came back to our apartment. There was a huge, beautiful flower basket in the hallway to welcome you to the new world! It was from your dad’s lab. How cozy! My eyes were filled with tears. We did not have any family in America. We needed that warmth.
You asked me to taste your beef and potatoes. “Mom, this reminds me of your cooking!” You gave me a sweet smile.
“Oh yes! In the old house, when you and your brother were young, I cooked this dish every week!”
We bought our first car and house three to four years after we came to America. We did not make much money, but amazingly, we saved a lot! God knows how we saved the money; we must have saved every penny! We only spent $20 on food each week and bought used utensils and clothes from Goodwill.
The first day we took you to the new house, we watched how you responded with huge surprise. You were standing in the foyer and yelled, “Our house is so beautiful! Nobody’s house is more beautiful than ours!” You were only three years old! You had big eyes, and you were wearing your favorite blue dress. Your excitement made us so satisfied. Oh yes, our American dream became true!
We were able to afford the house because I found a job in the lab based on my medical background when you were five months old. It was quite challenging to find the first job, in addition to coping with contempt and humiliation in the workplace.
“Go away! You know nothing!” A lady yelled at me when I asked her a question while observing her doing experiments.
“I am already done with the experiments. What else could you look at?” Another lady laughed in my face.
Both ladies were from China, and they came to America a couple of years earlier than me. I was a volunteer in both of their labs. Their words and their attitudes were full of disdain. I hid in a corner of the room, looked at the tip of my shoes and sighed: I was a doctor in China, why did I come here to let other people treat me like nothing, like nobody?
“Doctor Duan, the patient’s blood pressure is so low. She is using penicillin through IV now,” the nurse almost screamed.
“This must be an allergy reaction from penicillin. It is life threatening. Inject Adrenaline immediately!” I ordered within seconds. I saved the patient’s life. She was only in her twenties.
My dear daughter, I remember you asked me how I felt to give up being a doctor in America. It was heart-wrenching because my dream was to be a doctor when I was ten. Our family has the tradition and belief in saving people’s lives from your great grandparents. They were kind and strong.
Once one of my uncles asked your great grandma, “Grandma, what if the sky falls?”
Your great grandma pointed her crutch to the sky and said loudly, “Grandma would hold the sky for you!”
Her words were in my ears, her blood was in my vein. Those two Chinese ladies’ words could not hurt me much because I made my decision: If I worked hard to learn and master the lab techniques, nobody could treat me like trash!
In 2002, when you were 14 months old, I switched to a new lab, which is my current lab. My professor is incredibly famous for AIDS research. My supervisor is a super kind Chinese man. I took notes and worked my head off to master the experimental skills. Soon, we published three papers in Nature in 2005, 2009, and 2012, and one paper in Science in 2009. As you know, Nature and Science are elite journals internationally. Most researchers and professors do not have the opportunity to publish one paper in Nature or Science during their whole life.
From July 25th to 30th, five precious days, dad, you, and I, we three together, drove the Tesla for three days, then we helped you move in for two days. The full self-driving feature made the long trip safer and easier. I remember that you asked if you could use the money from the new car and still drive the 21-year-old car instead. Dad answered, “No, the new car is for your safety.” For your safety, we decided to buy a used Tesla rather than a new Corolla. Yes, it is more expensive, but your safety is our priority.
My memories went back to our first car. Your dad did not understand the word “salvage” while purchasing the car, and he did not know the car had water damage either. One day, before he drove the car, I told him, “Do not go to highway yet—we haven’t driven the car for a while, just drive in local.” He agreed. When he drove back, right on the corner of the parking lot, he heard a big noise. The tire fell off! The axle was broken! How lucky your dad did not go to the highway! When we were poor, our life was not worth a penny.
Palm trees were everywhere. We arrived in Miami. You are going to get your medical doctor degree here in the next four years! I feel like we walked into a new life with you! Your new apartment has floor-to-ceiling windows, bright, spacious, and modern, located in the convenient downtown area. I was thrilled for you, but honestly, a bit jealous. The apartment we lived in for the first three years before buying our first house had cockroaches crawling all over the floor. We fought the cockroaches with fog bombs. We borrowed limited money when we came to America. Dad did not make much, and I did not have a job. So, we didn’t have money to buy a mattress for the first four months. One day, I found a used mattress beside the huge trash can outside of an apartment building.
It was a cold December day; Christmas was around the corner. The neighbors’ houses were decorated with twinkling lights. I started missing your grandparents, my old friends, and my doctor’s career. When we were in China, we had a new mattress; we had our own apartment in the hospital where I had been working for six years. But now, the old mattress by the trash can lit my eyes. We did not have to sleep on the floor, not anymore.
The mattress was so heavy, and I was just pregnant with you. So, I waited for your dad to pull it back with me. The wind blew through my long winter coat. I stomped my feet.
Finally, I saw your dad riding a bike coming back from his lab. We already had a car; he rode bike to save gas.
“We have a mattress, and we do not have to sleep on the floor anymore!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. We pulled the mattress back to our apartment and jumped on the mattress.
In your new apartment, when your modern furniture arrived, I was so happy to assemble the furniture with you and dad. I could not wait to see how your apartment turned out! But I never expected that the time when we assembled furniture together would give me such great pleasure and unforgettable memories. The time went backwards, you were still little, I was still in my thirties, and we played together! It was such a heart warm feeling which I had not felt for a long time. Since you went to college, you studied for your dream, and I worked inside and outside of the house. We still loved and missed each other, but we barely spent much time together.
Time to hit the road. We were leaving for home. It was extremely hard to say goodbye to you, our lovely daughter! I know young people have wings and fly high, but as a mom, I was worried about your safety and everything. Your dad once told me, “Just wish, and no worries.” He was right. English is your native language, and you grew up in America, so you have better abilities and more potential than me. I stopped worrying and started praying for your best luck.
On our way back, in the airplane, I looked at your dad’s gray hair and said to myself: Time passed by! In the blink of an eye, we have been in America for 24 years!
I looked at your dad’s gray hair again and said to him, “Thanks for your hard work so we can live our American life!”
He smiled back and said, “My pleasure!” He is a humble man.
You might still remember that our master bedroom had yellow posters all over the back door. These posters were plastered with cases your dad had practiced for the medical board exam. Every night when you and your brother went to bed, your dad and I started practicing the cases. I pretended to be all kinds of patients, memorizing the medical histories and symptoms. Dad asked me, then examined me. We both had full-time jobs, and you can imagine how tired we were at night after a full day’s work. I dozed off after answering one question and then opened my eyes to answer another question. We practiced night after night.
During that time, your dad took care of his job, exams and family at once. He only slept five hours each night for five years. There were multiple times that he fell asleep during the drive to and from work. One time, he fell into a deep sleep while waiting for the green light. When he woke up, cars were passing around his car, and his foot was still on the brake. I always cry when thinking of this. Your dad almost sacrificed his life for us, for a better family life! There were people who gave up on the exams, failed to match, or were kicked out from the residency program. Your dad worked intensively to keep it up and never gave up!
My dear daughter, you inherit your dad’s grit, his strength, and his kind heart. Not only do you want to live a significant life, but also, and most importantly, you want to help people. When you were 16 years old, you jumped into the chilly water to save a person’s life. That person was two times bigger than you, but you pulled him out from the water. When I asked why you did not hesitate to jump into the water, you said, “I just wanted to save him!” You always wanted to help people, which makes your life very meaningful. I often praised you; you said you learned from me. I think I have always learned from you. I admire your kindness, your sweetness, your confidence, and your efforts. My dear daughter, you are my hero!
I have grown up with you in the past years. I have embraced the American culture found in you and my workplace. Most importantly, I started doing volunteer work. I reported community events using my writing skills. When I stood on the stage hosting Chinese New Year’s party for the Association of Chinese Physicians in English and Chinese, I was full of energy yet had mixed feelings. I saw the much younger me, a shy and naïve woman, just landed on America, who could not open her mouth to say “hi” in English. I cannot believe that I am living a decent life now. Millions of Chinese immigrants have earned a fulfilled life from arduous work like me. There were tears while we were struggling; there was happiness while we became more confident; and there was pride while we found ourselves in the new country.
My dear daughter, I came back home, sitting on the huge deck and looking at our garden: The roses are red; vegetables are growing; dragon flies are kissing the flowers; and the apple trees we planted together on your dad’s birthday are producing lots of apples. I miss you with all my heart. I believe that you will build a bright future and a wonderful new life in America! You will be an excellent and thoughtful doctor. While you are studying medicine and preparing to help patients, I shall continue to practice my English and improve my cooking, writing and other life skills. I shall become a better person and contribute more to society and the research field. There is still a new life in front of me! Every day is a new milestone for you, me and our family!
作者简介：
段莉洁，笔名若妖，曾在中国做医生，现在美国做艾滋病研究工作。坚持写作20年，海外文学城名博，发表文字百万。加拿大大华笔会理事，《加华文苑》散文部编委，《菲莎文萃》编委，加华笔会出版的《枫笺集》的责任编辑。曾多次在全球征文中获奖。
《新家园 新人生》电子版：
https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/KhyJir5_aZElUj0WL8w1CQ
周建成·TQC第二届加拿大“高校杯”全球征文活动
由加拿大高校文学社和加中经贸文化交流协会再次联袂主办的周建成·TQC建筑第二届加拿大“高校杯”《新家园 新人生》文学作品全球征文活动经过近五个月紧张而有序的工作，现已接近尾声。来自全球百余位作者积极投稿参与了本次高校文坛盛事，可圈可点，可喜可贺！祝贺佳作入选本次征文活动文集的各位作者！
本次活动由“TQC建筑”总裁周建成博士冠名赞助，由迈达金融林延滨总裁钻石赞助，由北美华人健康协会会长王培忠博士以及FOSON橱柜及台面陈亿军总裁黄金赞助，他们的慷慨解囊为本次活动的顺利进行提供了重要的财务保障。本次活动得到了广泛的积极支持和响应，以知名作家孙博 、刘荒田、凌鼎年 、岩波、庞进、万沐 、郑南川、红山玉、尔雅、杨柳等为代表的来自北美、大洋洲、中国大陆的作者们踊跃献稿，把如火如荼的征文活动推向了一个新的高度。本次活动共收到小说、散文和纪实作品百余篇，经过编委老师们一丝不苟，日夜兼程辛苦而认真地审核、甄选和校对，最终采纳了符合征文规定的稿件九十一篇。
《新家园 新人生》新书发布会：Oakview Terrace（皇家庄园）, Richmond Hill • 2024年11月3日